What’s wrong with me? No one is helping me! I feel awful, I hate feeling hopeless! I want to die! These are my thoughts as I walk around the kitchen, pacing, opening the fridge, closing it, open a cupboard door, then another, then back to the fridge.
I have had it. My whole life, nothing helps these awful inner feelings. Then my husband–my dear fourth husband–my true forever man, comes home for lunch.
“Please, call that doctor, I can’t make myself even dial a phone number.”
Crying and near hysterical, I feel like hitting anything; the wall, my husband; a kitchen chair, anything.
By now my face is etched with lines from my tensed muscles. My husband backs off, his arms stretched out in front of him, the palms of his hands facing me.
Through the red heat in my ears and eyes I hear him say I have to make the call myself. The damn clinic has said for me to make the appointment on my own. They will not take an appointment from a second party.
I want to grab the phone and jerk it out of the wall, but I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t help myself. What’s wrong with me, I shriek to myself, I just need to die, but I’m such a coward, I can’t even do that.
…Later That day
I walked to the phone, picked up the receiver, and dialed the number from the slip of paper the nurse at the clinic had handed me last week.
Why was it so hard to do this earlier, I thought. My moods are so unpredictable. I can’t plan on anything.
…At Last, Appointment Day
I got in the car and my husband drove. I stared off into nothing for a while. It was 60 miles to the nurse practitioner’s office. Then, restlessness set in. I lifted my purse from the floorboard, wrestling around in it for something. Candy, Smarties, how many rolls are left, I wondered. I rummaged around until I found them all. Five should last awhile. I twisted the cellophane off one end of the roll and popped one sweet wafer into my mouth.
“Would you like some?” I held the opened roll across the console to my husband. He held out his hand and I dropped a few into his hand. He tossed them all into his mouth at once. So we entertained ourselves all the way to town with candy.
That was the first of many trips to the lady that saved my sanity. It took months on end to find the antidepressant that worked for me. I tried to go off of it in 2011. Big mistake. A year and a half of mental anguish, trying to save my liver because I thought Cymbalta was bad for it. Turned out my liver was the least of my worries.
We four finish dinner.
The waiter asks if Jack would like a refill for his Pepsi.
Jack says yes.
I indicate the opposite.
The waiter walks away from our table.
Jack’s head falls. His chin drops to his chest.
I mention dessert to Shane and Gene. Duke’s Restaurant is famous for Hula Pie.
Jack’s head rises.
Jack turns, he looks around the room.
No waiter in sight, but Jack smiles, anticipating dessert.
These short stories
are assignments in my Writer’s Boot Camp, a six month class from which will emerge a ready to publish novel.
I am aiming for the novel becoming my autobiography.
We just started. I hope you enjoy!
Diane Neill Jensen Exercise 2
Describe a scene with no adverbs:
Design plans for my future include the online marketing course that I am taking through Yoobly. I have faith that my passion for writing and also for helping others is being propelled forward with the help of this course.
The course is turning out to be an incredibly good investment in my future. It has been challenging, but the support has been there to keep me from discouraged. Ashley is my key point of contact. She is doing a wonderful job of helping me understand the different components in the modules so far. I am in module #3 of 12 modules.
Producing an ebook led to some research for me. I love research. I learned about keywords that would be helpful to attract people to my web sites. Then, I decided to go with some quotes on each page of the book. That was thoroughly enjoyable. There is a nice selection of historical, including Biblical, and contemporary quotes.
Now, the task is to get as many people as possible to take advantage of the information in the ebook, which deals with health issues that many of us face. I did not include mental health. Funny, now that I think about it. Maybe the next book.
So, I have placed the offer for the free Ebook on FaceBook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. In my course chapter, there is a list, which included placing my Ebook offering on my websites. In addition to this website, my autobiographical website, it will be on a new website that deals exclusively with health issues. The address for the new website is http://BlessingsByDesign.com if you want to look at it. There is only one article there at this point. The article deals with antibiotics.
Here is the FREE Ebook. Please take a look & let me know what you think. Just click on the photo above, or on the words “5 Profitable Niches” below. That will open a new window so you don’t lose your place here at DianeNeillJensen.com
’til the next time, take care, stay healthy,
Diane Neill Jensen
A free marketing Ebook just for you.
The requirements for our evolution have changed. Survival is no longer sufficient. Our evolution now requires us to develop spiritually – to become emotionally aware and make responsible choices. It requires us to align ourselves with the values of the soul – harmony, cooperation, sharing, and reverence for life.